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Name: Lacey Age: 25 Measurements: 36-24-38 Day job: Poor example of a student/professional slacker Night-time activities: Rocking, rolling, and dealing with the consequences of both while trying not to embarrass myself in public. Favorite Music:: Rockabilly, 50s and 60s rock-n-roll, Psychobilly, Garage, Nerd Rock...anything that makes me put my dancin' shoes on. Favorite Drink: Margaritas! Frozen or on the rocks (Margarita salt optional) with a Miller Lite chaser. Maybe a Long Island Iced Tea if I deserve it.
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Favorite rockstar(s): Brian Setzer, John Linnell and John Flansburg (from They Might Be Giants).
Biggest strength or talent: I can fit an entire shot glass AND my cell phone into my mouth...not at the same time of course. Maybe if I had goals and ambitions... Biggest weakness or vice: Using "only when I drink" as an excuse to smoke in excess at bars, followed by my unhealthy obsession with reality television and 1980s easy listening. Body part most willingly given up to feed a shipwrecked crew: I'd give my ENTIRE body because eventually these shipwrecked people are going to get all cranky and upset due to the minimal odds of their possible rescue and they'll start bitching and crying. I have a very low tolerance for misery and no desire to surround myself with a mass of people who would be considered "downers" or "bummers".
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Turn-ons: Pompadours, sock puppets, well groomed sideburns, excellent dental hygiene, unibrows, cowboys, road trips, cool shoes programmed for dancing, blood, guts, and gore, morning breath. Turn-offs: Chick singers, blondes, body odor, bands lacking a bass, dirty dishes, jazz. Favorite Perversion: The physical and emotional changes that take hold of me while enjoying the easy listening hits of Air Supply, Huey Lewis and the News, Hall and Oates, and Journey. Favorite superhero: Flaming Carrot Man. He saved a whole community from being suffocated with poisoned bologna before and after he was getting sauced at his local bar. Not to mention he has webbed feet and is always surrounded by busty ladies of the night. What a fella!!
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Darkest Secret: I have two ankle bones on each foot. It's genetic. They are good for nothing but making most people uncomfortable or confused.
Goals/Ambitions: I'm a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of girl so goals and ambitions don't fit into my ever-changing agenda. Most desired genetic malformity: Anything that could be used as a weapon to rid of "personal space invaders"...2-3 feet at all times, people. I think I've pretty much got it covered with the extra ankle bones. They make sure people keep a safe distance from my unsocked feet. But it would nice to have something for instances where my naked feet are unavailable...like on-command fish breath! That'll make people take a few steps back, no doubt! A wish that would improve the world: If people would just stop trying to be so tough and cool and hold hands more, this would lead to more hugging, followed by more kissing, and end up with more "making with the love". This whole succession of events would lead to an influx of cheerful and chipper people which would leave people like me less annoyed and in turn, also pleasant. This increase in happy people would make the world a far less repulsive place. It all starts with hand holding though. |