Prepare to be dazzled, amazed, or just plain squashed with news of your impending disaster.
The computer script on this page was created by:
These horoscopes are by Ben Lybarger, a man with mystic visions you can only dream of, and a freaky birthmark to match. A man so in tune with nature's ways that by gazing into the cosmic spread of stars and planets he can see events unfold that will startle and astound you. He is also a renowned psychic who has practiced for the last 10 years in the Phillipines reading the minds of chinchilas. Their brains are so unlike our own that fellow humans pose no real challenge to his astounding empathic projection skills.
This ain't no Diet Coke prophesy for the weak-minded.
This ain't no lite beer for your soul.
Only those who have the courage to stare destiny in the crotch and not quiver should procede. The rest of you should leave and never look back, for you are indeed weak and must be sheltered from the truth as he sees it. Go play with your little dollies and let fate be dealt with by the brave few who stand as icons of purity in a world of manure and distraction.
Spink Bickle... a man so wretchedly vile that he wants to make novelty condoms from your innards.